


Humbug

by orphan_account



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Christmas Shopping, F/M, In a way, Inspired by Music, Marco has anxiety but this is also canon, Marco is oblivious af but what else is new, Self-Hatred, Star is jealous but hates herself for it, Star is terribly self depricating I'm sorry, background Jarco but whaddya want that's how it's gotta be, do they deserves this?, idk how to describe this beyond that it just happened, look at me pushing my issues on these babies, tbh yes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-12 21:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9091678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: There must be something wrong with her.Christmas is coming, but she's not happy.She doesn't feel the way she's supposed to feel.





	

**Author's Note:**

> When you listen to Humbug by Owl City for a month, but all you can do is shrug so you jump out the window.
> 
> Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy Hannukkah guys :)
> 
> Also yes, I posted this too early by accident.

The nights had gotten chilly.

The days were short.

The wind picked up and blew Star's hair back to yesterday and she grew envious of such an ability. To go back to yesterday, when things were simpler and hearts didn't hurt. However she rebuked the envy, trying desperately to force _Green Eyed Beasties_ infecting her soul, out of hiding where they could be destroyed effectively. It hadn't worked yet, but she was trying.

Something was coming that made Marco excited, and of course that usually gave Star excitement too. Excepting now, when she wondered whether she was allowed to be excited, feeling gloomy and gray.

First came the day with the Turkey and the Parade on TV and something called a _Mayflower_. There was also some story about a girl named Priscilla who dumped some guy named Miles for some guy named John. Star felt Miles' pain.

Marco told her today was the day to be thankful. She didn't feel thankful for much, until Marco revealed he was thankful she had come to stay on Earth with them. Though his extra long written declaration to Jackie, of his thankfulness for her, kinda put a little cloud in her sunny sky. She tried to blow it away but it stayed. _Obstinate_.

Then there was that day after when Mr. and Mrs. Diaz came home looking like they had just been in a fight against forty-five monsters at once. They scurried around and Star and Marco were forbidden to look in at least five certain closets for the next month. This would have been a great time that the Star of yesterday would find a way for her and Marco to sneak a peek anyhow without truly disobeying, but not the Star of today. Especially because Marco spent the whole day at Jackie's and Star found no fun getting around rules alone.

The day after that the Diazs piled Star and Marco into the car and headed north towards someplace Marco knew and Star didn't. Star figured Marco would bring along Jackie, and tried to dim her frown. Yet, for once it was not an option, not even considered. Marco just rode in jubilation chattering about something called Christmas, and after a few moments of selective hearing on Star's part, she was sucked in by infectious excitement. That day, spent in a cheery lot of pines, set a glow with bulbous strings of lights and full of delightful smells and shivers alleviated by Marco's kind hearted offer of a hoodie. The lucky one, she knew. That was a day like a yesterday. Driving home with a tree on the car and songs in her throat, songs she had never sung before but could easily pick up on the lyrics watching Marco sing them better than the recordings. _Peace on earth. Good will to mankind._

Every day was like that, bittersweet. Life went on, broken heart or not, confusing emotions or not, rain clouds or sunshine. Life went on. Undeterred. Star went on. She could still smile, laugh, forget a little too easily when a moment got too close for comfort. It was a brand new reality, and though she didn't like it, she still survived. 

Her mind took on preoccupation, of how to procure Glossyryck and her spell book. A preoccupation that gave her a thing to dwell on during insomniatic nights. However once the initial panic caused a phone call home, her mother had ordered her a leave of rest. 

 "You look exhausted darling, and for once I'm not going to tell you that's not a good look for a queen, but I am going to tell you to rest, relax... breathe." Moon was genuinely concerned.

For once as well, Star actually heeded a smidgen of her mother's advice. She couldn't truly help it, since for some reason the past few weeks left her feeling perpetually exhausted. She just couldn't find the strength in her to cut open a portal to seek out Ludo on her own. Despite reiterating in her mind she didn't truly  _need_ Marco to help with the fight. Yet, she knew having him there would be something she desperately  _wanted._ Without him, Star decided to talk a little time to do something she was especially good at, ignoring problems. Just until the end of this exhaustive month.

Marco called it December. The last month in an Earth year. It certainly did feel very final in many ways, as people looked over the past year constantly. Keeping stats and retelling events and going over a million things. It made Star more exausted. Even worse, it made her do the same. Looking over her past nine months on Earth, the glories, the gories and the good. Unfortunately for every good memory, some blessed moment of bonding that had all contributed to this state of unwelcome lovesickness she now experienced. For every good, there was a little Green-Eyed creature whispering in her ear that it would never be like that again. That she didn't deserve it to be like that, and essentially that she was a foolish person who was  _far too good at losing important things. Irresponsible._

Everything seemed to contribute to her sluggishness. Finally coming to a head on the day that they had been surprisingly been released from the confines of school. After a long and mind melting week, when even Marco resorted to the unhealthy horror of energy drinks and even Jackie Lynn Thomas' perfect eyes had bags. Janna called it _FINE-HELL_ week. Marco didn't even correct her. 

Now they were free. Star of yesterday would have hooped and hollered and swooped through a portal with Marco before their feet could hit the floor outside the classroom. However, this was not yesterday, and Marco had walked Jackie home.

Star decided to embrace a very committed relationship with her bed. Maybe even not leaving,  _ever again._  That wasn't going to be an option though, not even minutely. She already knew the reason they were on break was for this _Christmas_ thing she was slowly gleaning information about. She had been a little too gloomy to ask directly for information, but she couldn't really say no to Marco and the Diazs too when they practically begged her to watch various specials on TV about the subject. She did so, with a very well plastered on poker face of a smile. Almost believable to highly perceptible people. The Diazs were not really even lowly perceptible. Marco did get his obliviousness from  _somewhere_ , after all. During these impromptu movie nights, that somehow not even Marco's commitment to dating Jackie could interrupt, Star really couldn't restrain herself from a  _bit_ of curiousity. After a few times of questioning she felt she had a pretty good idea of this Christmas holiday.

The long version had something to do with a god (The Diaz's only had one? Or did they have two because they had a statue of this lady who might be a goddess? That was a little confusing) and this Lady who had this god's baby but without any of the uh, unmentionable things happening for the baby to be made. She was also engaged to this other guy and there was a lot of extra-curricular stuff about  _Guadalupe_  and something. Star fell asleep around that part. She was shaken awake by Marco to explain about the baby being born in a barn of all places, and then a bunch of angels (which Star remembered about from that time after they watched  _The Emperor's New Groove_ , not the shoulder kind this time) and these shepherds and these three kings and following a star.

"Who was the Star?" She had asked, Marco had laughed and tried to talk at the same time just as he had in a yesterday and just for a moment things felt pretty okay.

The story turned into something completely different from there about some bearded guy who liked coming down chimneys.

"Like my dad?"

TL:DR version; Christmas was about love, joy, family, and giving to others. 

Now with this information, Star felt a little bit guilty for her mopey attitude, even her desperate attempts to hide it. After all here was a festival all about showing your loved ones, albeit platonically, how much you cared. Instead of focusing on this she was feeling sorry for herself and crashing into an uncharacteristically lethargic state. 

So it was for pre-ordained, and very logical reasons that when Marco had asked Star to go gift shopping with him. She had to say yes. After all Marco shopping by himself was a dangerous situation in itself, she had to be there just to make sure he didn't have a mental breakdown in the middle of Accesories or something. Alone at least.

A very well founded fear since it wasn't even three feet into the first store that Marco was on the verge of tears. 

"Just the thought of Christmas shopping stresses me out. Especially this year, I have no idea what to get Jackie!"

Star grumbled somewhere in the back of her mind in the voice of a Green Beastie.  _They haven't been talking consistently long enough for her to even know his shoe size. In ten years... _

_It's a size twelve._

Marco during mental breakdown one of fifty four at this point had somehow gotten caught on a hanger by his hoodie. Star abesntmindly alleviated the problem without even having to stop her own ruminations, honestly that move was just a part of her muscle memory by now. It wasn't an uncommon occurance and Marco used to include it on the tally of Star's saves. Since saving from hanging oneself definitely counted. 

"I'm so glad you're here Star, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't." He was admitting somewhere behind the fog of her own head. It made her mind do a double take and definitely brought her down to Earth. Specifically the path they now walked through the Echo Creek Mall Macy's.

"No problem Marco, I know how much you hate shopping, couldn't let you go alone." She said with that perfected plastered smile. Though the slight deepening color to her cheeks was definitely not supposed to be there, at all. Now if he went back to talking about Jackie this might be easy.

"Yeah, but you know Star I realize I've been leaving  _you_ alone too much lately. I know you've really needed me right now and I haven't been exactly a good best bestie to you." 

No, it couldn't be easy. There was a small hole developing in Star's facade and emotion was slipping through. 

"Marco don't worry about it, it's not a big deal-" But Marco had halted their walk now to make himself clear. He just had to torture her didn't he? Looking at her straight in the eyes, or as straight as he could since she wouldn't make complete eye contact.

"No Star, it  _is_ a big deal. I've been basically ignoring you for almost a month when you need me and now the moment I need you and you're right there. It's not right Star, I should have been more _selfless_ like you."

_Selfless? No Marco, Selfish._

If she was selfless she would have been able to let go of her own feelings. Wouldn't she? 

"I'm so sorry Star." 

_Dear Macy's employee behind the perfume counter._

_One; thanks for not interrupting this tender moment with_   _a_ _sales pitch._

_Two; Enjoying the show are we?_

The plastered smile melted from Star's face, and somehow she could look him in the eye with it gone. Her voice was just above a whisper.

"It's alright, Marco." Though with an unfortunate crack at _"Really."_

_Dear Macy's employee with a gushy chain of tweets about the real life teenage love story you see before you._

_That hug is actually platonic supposedly, yeah I know it's stupid but I don't make the rules at this point._

Marco was the one who had mental breakdowns at Macy's, Star did not. So after a grand total of five tears escaped and she practically collapsed into the sudden embrace Marco offered. She composed herself, wiped away tears, redesigned a new version of the poker face smile with a bit more sincerity. Since that hug did feel a bit like a yesterday. Girded her loins and prepared for battle, against consumerism. 

"Let's find the perfect gift for you to give Jackie!"

* * *

* * *

"Canary yellow or Pantone yellow?" Marco held the two long flowy scarves in front of Star's face. And despite having unleashed some of her tensions, the Green Eyed Beastie within still enjoyed giving her two cents.

_Those are literally the same shade._

It really provided no relief that Star's jealousy had the same eye color of Jackie. 

"Are you sure though Marco that Jackie likes yellow? I mean I thought greens and blues were more her thing."

Though Marco himself had been temporarily distracted out of his stress-induced panic attacks, it didn't take much time in a department store to launch him back to the brink. 

His eyes widened with realization. "Oh geez, you're right Star! How could I get so confused? Jackie doesn't like yellow."

_But you do._

Star had read somewhere that someone out there in science land was survivng without a great chunk of their brain, she wondered if that included their inner monologue and if so...

Sign. Her. Up.

"Ohh, but _you_ do! That's where I got mixed up." 

_Dearest Macy's Employee being kinda stalkerish now behind the clothes racks._

_Be careful they might hear the sound of you slapping your forehead at the boy's stupidity. Incidentally, that sounded painful are you alright?_

After inspecting the merchandise in his hands Marco had a second revelation about his girlfriend's taste. 

"What if she has too many scarves?!"

Truthfully Star had never seen Jackie Lynn Thomas ever wear a single scarf at all. That wasn't to say thay perhaps she did not have a scarf shrine to her favorite Forever21 scarf in her closet where she hoarded them and worshipped their scarfiness. Still, that was more of a Janna thing.

"A scarf is a good gift Marco. It makes me think of flowy water and Jackie _also_ makes me think of water so it seems perfect!" Star liked scarves, they swished and were kinda like jellyfish stingers but not dangerous. 

 _You'd like Marco to give_ you  _a scarf, in canary yellow._

That had absoloutely no relevance to the current situation and besides, the lemon yellow was much nicer. Especially with it's splashes of blue.

Meanwhile in the land of mental breakdowns.

"It _seems_ perfect, that's not good. Something _too_ perfect, that won't work. She'll expect too much out of our relationship if I give her something perfect, and I won't know what to do because I have _no idea what I'm_   _doing in the first place!"_  It had been twleve minutes since freakout four of fifty four, so it was about expected for another now as the scarf waved around with his unraveling state. 

"Breathe." Star commanded gently. Placing the scarf back on the hook and keeping Marco from even looking at it as she guided him away.

Marco unfortunately caught sight of something before she got him successfully out of Macy's. 

"What about a backpack, though what could she put inside?" This was almost said as a protest since Star nearly dragged him at this point. Scarcely believing how the tables had tabled since those times he had to drag her out of places. Was it maturity in her soul or depression, who knows?

"That one's cool." He said pointing as they went by. The bag in question, a deep blue and covered in spikes. Awfully familiar.

 _Remind me again why you're pining for_ this  _guy?_

* * *

* * *

 "This is way too much pressure, Star! I can't decide!" 

Star let out the sigh of a person who was long past their patience but holding on anyway. The mantra in her head repeating.

_For Marco. For Marco._

"It's a simple choice Marco. I mean I figured you would've already known her preference, it's like one of the first questions you ask!" 

Marco sat on the edge of Star's bed on the verge of another nervous breakdown. Although they had left the mall nearly an hour ago.

"Breadsticks," Star held up the _Olive Garden_ gift card before him. 

"or cheddar biscuits?" She finished as she held up the gift card to _Red Lobster._  

"What if she's Jewish, Star? Wouldn't Red Lobster be an insult to her kosher beliefs? Or Italian! I've heard Italians say Olive Garden is an insult to real Italian cooking!" Marco's eyes were panicked as he let out a rather painful groan. Collapsing on his side to the fetal position.

"What if she's gluten free?" He shuddered and buried his face in his hands.

Star groaned with aggrevation but caught herself. She was frustrated, yes. And that very annoying little Green-Eyed Beastie kept murmuring to her.

 _If he was buying this gift card for you, he would already know what to pick. Of course that would mean_ you _were dating, obviously._  

She shook off the envious thoughts, this wasn't about her.

"What if she thinks I'm trying to weasel out of paying for a date?" Marco continued in muffled bemoaning. "Or she thinks I'm being a sexist jerk because I'm giving her money to pay for a date when she would probably like to pay for it herself?"

He sat up and brought his head out from his hands, horror stricken with realization. "What if she thinks I'm subtly trying to say she likes to eat and is therefore fat?" 

Heck, it wasn't even truly about Jackie.

"Okay," she said tentatively, gently, placing the gift cards on her vanity. "Well then, what about a bike?" 

Star imagined how much she would love a bike of her own to ride with Marco down the twilight lit streets... 

_Focus._

"Skateboard." Marco grunted, back again with his head hanging in his hands in deafeat.

"A ukulele?" Star thought it matched her tropical style.

Marco shook his head. "Maybe I'll just jump out a window." 

Star dropped onto the bed and scooted next to him, two parts peeved and two parts worried, because to be fair Marco _had_ jumped out a window before. She put a small reassuring hand on his back.

"The cactuses would break my fall." He said softly, looking up again at her with a bit of small smile hiding. Then he sighed again. 

"I don't mean to shoot you down Star, it's just what if Jackie doesn't like what I get her? What if she-?" Star put a hand over his mouth momentarily to quiet him. 

"Marco, whatever you get her, Jackie will love it." Her voice was growing smaller and smaller but she still pressed on, looking him straight in the eye. "Even if it's boring, like a hand towel or a candle."

"How can you be so sure?" Marco asked, and the genuine confusion in his eyes hurt, did he truly think so little of himself?

"Because it's a gift from _YOU._ It doesn't matter what it is because it came from _you,_ it came from the _love,_ Marco, in your heart."

_For her._

Star placed her hand over his heart to illustrate the point. Feeling the beat quicken under her touch. She retracted it quickly as if she had been burnt. Turning her face striaght ahead to hide the blush.

Marco was too flabbergasted by her words to notice too much of this overly anxious behavior. 

"I still don't know much about this Christmas thing Marco, but I do know about gifts, and-" she paused for a moment asking if she would say the word again or not. "love." 

She dared herself to turn back to him briefly.

"It's the greatest gift you can give."

* * *

Both sat in silence contemplating. 

Marco wondered why he still could feel the pressure of Star's brief touch over his heart. Why his heart rate still hadn't gone down. Also why he had to stress so much over what to get Jackie when it should be so easy? Heck if it was like Star, she would have literally been happy with a bent paperclip that had somehow ended up looking like a heart. 

Star wondered where the Green-Eyed Beastie disappeared to. Peeking into her subconscious, she noted a little sign on it's residence. 

 _Out Christmas shopping. Be back later._  

Even Green-Eyed Beasties had _some_ priorities. 

With that she scouraged the rest of her thoughts. A tidal wave of Christmas movies and music. One thing stuck out to her and sudenly things fell in place. 

"I have an idea Marco, only it's a good one this time."

* * *

* * *

"Are you really sure about this Star? It's so cheesy." 

"Sure I'm sure, Jackie will  _love_ this!"

Marco's relenting but blissful sigh was all the go ahead Star needed as the silence of the room filled only with the sound of crinkling wrapping paper.

* * *

 Star nearly grinned to combustion as she heard Mrs. Diaz welcome Jackie inside.

She eyed the suspicioisly large and oddly shaped present sitting under the tree with expectation from her place on the couch with Marco's phone camera.

Star loved a good surprise.

"Where's Marco?" Jackie was asking her now in confusion not yet noticing what was definitely noticable, of course Jackie never had the best track record for that sort of thing anyway.

All Star could do was shrug. A smile on her face nearly giving everything away. Compsing herself she said as reheresed.

"He should be along soon, but he definitely wants you not to wait to open his Christmas present."

Though Jackie looked about to protest, she was stopped as she heard the muffled voice of the oddly shaped package behind her. "Like seriously, less time waiting, the better."

With wide eyes she had turned quickly to the tree and began unwrapping as Star giggled at the whole event. 

After Marco's head had escaped the confines of the wrapping he tried to breath a sigh of relief and deliver his speech as rehearsed, but was easily cut off by Jackie's waiting kiss.

Star's laughter subsided.

Jackie loved the idea of Marco being her gift, just as Star had predicted, she also enjoyed the small heart shaped locket Marco gave to her as well. The object clearly being the metaphor for "his heart". As the merriment of a Christmas celebration began offcially.

Star sought a quiet corner after the excitement. Reverting to the plastered poker smile once more. Trying though, to concentrate on the joy surrounding her as Mrs. Diaz showered her with treats and Mr. Diaz tried to get her to sing along to the Christmas songs. It was all well and good, but Star could not stop her eyes from lingering on Marco and Jackie enjoying the time together. 

Still she held together till the end of the evening. Feeling the emotional exhaustion hit her again like a brick as she stared at the dying embers of the fireplace. If only her feelings could be like those embers and eventually burn out as they had before. It didn't seem to be happening this time.

After the last goodbye and Mr. and Mrs. Diaz had retreated to the kitchen to do dishes. Marco sat down beside her again.

"You were right, she loved it."

Star simply nodded, gaze fixed on the fire.

Marco watched her carefully, trying to gauge her emotion, and trying alleviate the situation.

After a moment he struck upon the notion reaching over to grab a small package from under the tree. Placing it in her lap.

"We don't exchange gifts for each other till tomorrow but," he shrugged. "one won't hurt tonight." 

She looked at the small box, then to him, then back to the box again. 

Wordlessly she lifted the pre-wrapped lid. 

Two golden necklaces, two halves of a whole forming a full heart.

One side:

BE

BES

FOR

The other:

ST

TIES

EVER                                       

He fastened one around Star's neck and the other around his own. The heart somehow still stuck together, whole, hanging in the middle of them. 

Star wanted to find words at the beautiful gift but could only gape. A few tears stung her eyes but she blinked them away.

Marco had hoped it would break her silence but smiled sheepishly all the same at her flabbergasted reaction. He rubbed the back of his neck and began to explain.

"Well, you see, I was buying the locket for Jackie, and right there beside it, was _this._ I couldn't pass it up. It was there and it was perfect."

Star still watched as it dangled between them. 

"I love it." She finally breathed.

"I'm glad." Then with a yawn "Well, I'm gonna get to bed, I'd suggest you do too, Santa can't come till everyone's asleep." He teased and attempted to move from his place.

Only of course to be pulled right back by the chain of the necklace. He observed this now. "Oh I forgot to take off the piece of tape on the back holding it together." He peeled it off and Star watched the pieces disconntect. Splitting into a half.

A broken half.

_Cleaved._

"Goodnight Star, Merry Christmas." 

Star smiled his way and cradled her half in her hands. 

"Goodnight." She called toward his form heading up the stairs. 

It may not have been Marco's whole heart but it was a piece of it.

"Merry Christmas, Marco."


End file.
